Allow me to Die

I remember this so well, too well sometimes – in the early hours. He became fixated with the consequences of death and decided that he had to “help” us come to terms with the fact that he would die. He felt that we were only hurting ourselves by loving him so much, as it would just make the pain of his death more painful.  And yet he needed us – some of the conversations were heart rending…

Allow me to Die

Father
He’s not well
He’s schizophrenic, isolated and depressed
And joyless, hollow and so fake
His laughter
It must be the weed

Son
I am the loony who’s been
Hiding all this time
Biding and brewing
Till you can’t contain the signs
And it hurts you because

You care to much
To be there for me

Mother
But he’s our son
And as parents must crusade
To make sure that he knows that
He’s insane, he’s insane, he’s insane!
Because we love him – he’s our first-born!
To lose him would cremate our very bones

Son
I am the loony who
Be-plagues your sleepless nights
Biding and brewing
Till you can’t contain the signs
And you don’t see it because

…..

One day I’ll die
Would you let me die?
Allow me to die
And you’ll feel more alive than ever

You care too much
To be there for me
You care too much
To be there for me
You don’t need to speak
Just sit and listen
You don’t need to speak
Be there for me

I’ll be fine
I know you’re surprised
But my mind is not mine
And neither are yours
When you feel it you’ll see
That really I’m not so crazy
I’m not so crazy
I’m not so crazy